Perspectives

Last night I actually slept through the night , it was a welcome change but I also missed my dreams. I know physically and emotionally I was worn out though. Perhaps a night of dreamless sleeping is what I needed to recharge myself for the upcoming holidays.

I will never stop wishing for one more day with Casey, and to be honest the holidays are some of the worst days because they are major slaps in the face that she is gone. Never to ask for more cool whip on her pie, some ranch dressing and her smile. An extra bite of cake. Yes the holidays, birthdays and anniversaries suck the worst.

Today I went to Hy-Vee and was talking to an older lady , who made a comment about Chicken Kiev and how it was so hard to cook for just one person since her children are grown up now with lives of their own. She shared with me that she hasn't liked doing all the cooking since they moved out , and shared that her husband died at 47 years old, from leukemia. My guess is she looked to be about 60 years old.She shared with me that he was the love of her life, her first kiss , her only boyfriend and the only man she has ever loved. She told me they just don't make love like that anymore.

She asked me if I had children and I said yes, and that my youngest was in kindergarten and that I have three older daughters. She laughed and told me to enjoy the teenage years with them since those will be the hardest yet most rewarding times with them. I kind of spaced off a moment just remembering Casey in high school and getting her ready for prom. She asked if I was ok ,and I told her yes. I just was thinking. She asked me how old my other kids were. I told her I have 16 year old twin daughters and a daughter who graduated high school in 2010.

That typically makes people quit asking questions but it didn't stop her, she seemed truly interested. She asked me if my oldest was going to college , married or working . I took a deep breath and told her , she had died a few days after graduation. I told her how we make blankets for hospice now in her memory. She told me thank you for doing that, that her husband and she had gotten good support from hospice in the days and months before his death.

She looked at me , gave me a hug and told me thank you for reminding her that people lose people they love everyday , and explained to me that today had been a bad day for her, with remembering her husband , and that I gave her a reason to be thankful , that she still has her children and that it put things into perspective for her.She said she would always try and remember that she was blessed to have them yet on the bad days.Im glad I was able to help her remember that it could be worse but suck that the reason why is that she at least still has her kids.

I still want one more day with Casey, and always will want more time Im sure. One more day to hear her and the twins laughing. One more day of I love you Mom . One more day to hear her voice. One more day of everything I loved about her, and one more day even if she was mad. Just one more day.