Its the little things..

Sometimes its the little things that bother me so much. Like reading the newspaper or hearing about violence on the news. It makes me wonder how God could allow Evil to walk the earth and yet confined my daughter Casey to a wheelchair most of her life. How he could take someone like her from us and yet leave a thug to wander the earth and put others in so much pain.

I often question God on his choices these days all because he chose to take my daughter from this earth. I know of mothers who have lost their children because of senseless murders where the person who did it has not been caught yet and again I wonder about God's decisions to break our hearts because he chose to take our children home.

I question why doctors can be so dang arrogant and full of themselves.. Do they think they are God ? Why do we have to sit back and allow them to think they have the right to play God ?

The day I found out Casey was in full kidney failure from the sepsis I went downstairs to go outside and get some air. I ran into one of her "specialists" and he told me he thought Casey was doing wonderful and that felt she would be better in a few days. Mind you he hadnt checked in on her in a few days and had sent her home twice before she was taken to the hospital with an oxygen level of 65, but had been at the hospital 8 hours before that , knew she had pneunomia and HE SENT HER HOME !

In my heart I honestly feel had he been on the ball .. It wouldnt be like this . I hope and pray he knows how he helped and played a hand in breaking my heart. Breaking her Daddy's heart. Breaking her father's heart.Breaking her sibilings hearts. Breaking her grandparents/ great grandparents hearts . Breaking her Aunt and Uncles Hearts (great aunts & uncles included). Breaking her cousins hearts.And everyone who loved hers heart, just not family. Friends of hers. Nurses of hers. Other doctors of hers.

Where is the justice and how will these hearts ever mend ? Today has been 1 year, 1 month and one week since she became an angel. I really have to agree with the Bellemy Brothers with their song.. Some broken hearts never mend. I dont think mine ever will.

Happy Birthday Casey

Today should have been your 19th birthday, you should be here with us to celebrate. Instead you are gone. We are left here to celebrate the beautiful day you came into our lives. I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday. How beautiful you were and how small your little fingers and toes were. Some things never changed. Your feet never got very big and you had such petite little fingers. Such beautiful hands. Such beautiful eyes..  You blessed us all with your presence. With your sparkling blue eyes and that smile .. Beautiful on the inside and out. You were genuine , truly one in a million. Happy Birthday in Heaven Turtle.

A Special Birthday
(author unknown)
Please God, make them remember that
Today is a special, birthday.
Make them understand that
The memories don't go away.
Bless them, with ears to hear and hearts that care.
Enable them to listen while I share.
Shelter them that they may never know my pain.
Help them to help me know that my child's life was not in vain.
Help them to remember, Lord that I wish
That my child was here
So we could still celebrate.
To understand that I still
Feel the nearness of my child.
To see beyond my smile and the
Words. "I'm okay."
Please God, just let one remember today
Is a special birthday!
____________________

Many happy returns on the day of thy birth
May sunshine and happiness be given
And may the Dear Lord prepare you on earth
For the beautiful birthday in heaven