Happy heavenly birthday

My dearest Casey,

Today you would be twenty one years old. Where has the time gone ? I remember your first cry like it was yesterday. From infancy to childhood and then came the teenage years, they weren't always pretty but somehow we got through the rough spots.

I love you and miss you dearly. I can remember the first time I saw you. The ultrasound that told us there might be a few bumps in the road. You were waving your little hand. Funny your hands never did get very big and yet they were a perfect fit into mine. I realized how little your hands were when I was holding them through the night off and on when you would cry out in your sleep at the hospital.

I don't know if you remember that though, but I do. I remember thinking how precious your little hands were and how you still had me wrapped around your little fingers at almost 18 years old. I remember crying while I was holding your hands praying I didn't wake you up,and for GOD to take away your pain because I couldn't. I guess he did. I wish I could have taken it away and have you here today.

I always thought you would be here to celebrate your 21st birthday , something I had planned in my mind from your very first birthday. I never imagined Id be making blankets for hospice in your memory instead of us going out and celebrating your adulthood.

I always thought we would go have dinner at one of your favorite restaurants, perhaps catch a movie , then off to wherever you wanted to go. Instead I'm meeting with hospice to present all 21 of your blankets , and go to the park so we can have cake and remember you. I hope your balloons climb high enough to reach you dear Casey.

I love and miss you. Happy 21st birthday in heaven.

Love forever,
Mom

As long

As long as I can I will look at this world for the both of us. As long as I can I will laugh with the birds, I will sing with the flowers. I will pray to the stars for the both of us.

I will try and live each and every day for the both of us. I will try and not let my bitterness for the lack of compassion in others in the world ruin my day. I will try and not let my hatred for doctors who think they are GOD ruin my memories of those last nights we talked before you passed away. I will always try and find the beauty of something in my day.. just one single thing to be one thankful for.

Bringing Henry Home: 2 months ago: Darren

I came across the blog called Bringing Henry Home: Two months ago while I was on facebook earlier. One of the July 07 moms had shared it.

Here is the link to her post and blog:  http://bringinghenryhome.blogspot.com/2013/01/two-months-ago-today.html?showComment=1359392498633#c627578217465491972

It brought tears to my eyes. As a mother of an Angel myself , knowing she lost her precious Henry broke my heart . He came from the orphanage to his forever home , to fly with the angels.

I beg of any of you readers who have considered adopting a special needs child to please consider Darren , he has 6 months before he moves to the big kids orphanage where he will NEVER get a chance for his forever home..

Yes it will take time.

Yes it will take effort.

Yes it will take money.

Yes, any child is worth it.

If you cant adopt him , consider donating to his fund so someone can help him get into his forever home.
http://reecesrainbow.org/439/darren405
 

Music

I was sitting here tonight and heard a song . A song I havent heard in quite a long time. A song that made me think. The baby by Blake Shelton.

It made me really think.

Surely it comes as a surprise to no one that songs can evoke powerful memories.

I almost cried.

It reminded me I never got to say goodbye to Casey before she passed on from this life to bigger and better things.

I miss her dearly and constantly play our last conversation in my head. I know in my heart that we said all that needed to be said the night before she died. I will always remember the last thing she told me was I love you Mom.

That has to be enough. That is what she chose to tell me to last me forever. For that, I am thankful. For that I feel robbed of being able to hold her hand as she passed on, but from what Im told (from the hospital Chaplin) that is how she wanted it to be, and it was how she wanted me to remember her last words to me.

Such simple words to remember for a lifetime. A lifetime of memories coming down to one sentence. My heart aches so much for her. I love you Mom. I remember looking at her and saying I love you too Casey.

It hurts sometimes how some songs bring back the memories and sometimes they make me smile, other times they make me cry .

I was here

I love this song so much ,and it reminds me so much of Casey. It reminds me that she was a fighter, that she was outspoken. She was kind , compassionate and had empathy for others. She didn't sit back and feel sorry for herself. She had the CAN DO attitude and she made it happen

If life handed her lemons she would make grape juice and make everyone wonder just how she did that.

She was an inspiration to others because she kept it real and was vocal about life. How you shouldn't waste what you are given in life and that you need to make the best of any situation because things can change in a single moment. One single heartbeat. Just that quick.

For me, it reminds me that my daughter didn't give up when life got hard and the days were long and cumbersome and that I shouldn't give up either just because things aren't going how I expected them to go.

I will always remember she was here. She lived , she was and still is loved. I will remember her doing things her way and getting them done as she saw fit. She made a mark on my heart and will be there forever. She made a difference in this word just because she was here, and because of her, the world is a more beautiful place to be , because she was here.
 

Blankets

 "If every tear we shed for you became a star above; you would stroll in Angels' garden, lit by everlasting love." ~Author Unknown

I woke up this morning with this song in my head ,and it made me smile. It reminded me that each and every day you will come across someone who is having a battle of their own. One you probably cant see but if you treat someone with kindness and a smile , that just might make it a better day for them.

Ill be honest, I don't have a lot of money to buy stuff for random strangers, to put money in a cup or monetarily much of anything else but what I do have is time , and a smile. I cut corners where I can and try and save a few bucks here and there so I can do stuff that I hope brings someone else some happiness or even a bit of warmth and comfort.

A little over a year ago I had an idea , one that I wasnt sure how I was going to pull off but I put the word out there to a small group of amazing friends and found a lot of support.Support for what I was doing , and the reason behind it that was well received.

That idea was so well supported that I knew I could and would do it again. To celebrate Casey and her life my idea was to make blankets for her birthday. Last year she would have been 20 , so 20 blankets were made and given to our local Hospice center for her birthday.

They were all bright , cheerful , warm and soft .. To say she would have loved them is an understatement. They were well received by hospice and while it is bittersweet that to get one , someone was going to die, it brings me comfort knowing that their families might get some comfort from one of Casey's blankets after their passing.

Here are last years blankets. One of them is with Casey's urn because , well , I could.

I put the reminder out there yesterday that Casey's 21st birthday is in a little over 4 months away and if anyone was interested in helping please let me know. It has already been well received with a few offers for blankets coming in already.

Someone asked me what we would do IF we go over the 21blankets this year, what would we do. For inquiring minds IF we go over the 21 blankets for pediatric hospice we will be donating the extras to either Camp Courageous or to Child Serve in Johnston Iowa for other disabled young adults and children in the center, and in the independent living homes.

If neither place needs them, then we will donate them to the other hospice center up here. They will not go unused or unneeded. We know of many different places that would love to have them.

Tribute Balloons on Facebook

I dont know if you have ever seen this application or even if anyone reads my blog but Im ok no matter.. I know its there,and so do several other mommas and family members of those who have passed away.
We have memorial pages, memorial groups ,and tribute balloons... Not all of us have each of them but to have at least one is the norm or so it seems. Wish none of us had to be in this * club * that has made it where we have made remembrance pages or items for our beloved children..

Here are a few balloons I'm going to try and keep boosted.. and ill edit and add more as I come across them in one of many of the grieving parents groups Im in. Please help us keep our balloons flying high, grab them and pass them on. Let me know if you want a balloon added to the list also.

My daughter Casey's :

http://tributeballoon.com/balloon/show/876639?rct_ch=share&rct_id=568470050&rct_t=1357016090&track=sharelink

 Jeremy Paul Karrer
http://tributeballoon.com/balloon/show/754089?rct_ch=share&rct_id=568470050&rct_t=1357016302&track=sharelink

Angelito Rey MItchell
http://tributeballoon.com/balloon/show/1099481?rct_ch=share&rct_id=568470050&rct_t=1357016404&track=sharelink