Ten Commandments For A Grieving Parent

1)) You shall Not tell them ~ To Get On With Their Lives

2) You shall not tell them ~ Be Strong For Your Family

3) You must not tell them ~ You Have Other Children

4) You Must Not Tell Them ~ To Forgive

5) You Must Not Tell Them ~ They're In A Better Place

6) You Must Not Tell Them ~ To Stop Crying

7) You Must Not Tell Them ~ To Let Go And Let Them Be At Rest

8) You Must Not Tell Them ~ I Know How You Feel
(Don't Compare Yourself And Your Experiences)

9) You Must Not tell Them ~ You Need Closure

10) You Must Either Be My Friend And Stand By Me ~ Or ~ Leave Me Alone

I'll Grieve As Long As I Want.
I Will "Try" To Heal At My Own Pace And Time.
Refrain From Calling Me Names Behind My Back.
Thank you For Understanding.

~A Grieving Parent ♥

A better place....

A Better Place

She’s in a better place right now
Than she’s ever been before;
All pain is gone; she’s now at rest;
Nothing troubles her anymore.

It’s we who feel the burden of
Our sadness and our grief;.
We have to cry, to mourn our loss,
Before we get relief.

We know we’ll reconnect with her
At the end of each life’s road;
We’ll see her cherished face again
When we release our earthly load.

by Tokens of Friendship

Stepping Stones


Come, take my hand, the road is long. We must travel by stepping stones. No, you're not alone. I'll go with you. I know the road well, I've been there. Don't fear the darkness. I'll be with you. We must take one step at a time. But remember we may have to stop awhile. It is a long way to the other side and there are many obstacles.

We have many stones to cross. Some are bigger than others . . . shock, denial, and anger to start. Then comes guilt, despair, and loneliness. It's a hard road to travel but it must be done. It's the only way to reach the other side.

Come, slip your hand in mine. What? Oh, yes, it's strong. I've held so many hands like yours. Yes, mine was one time small and weak like yours. Once, you see, I had to take someone's hand in order to take the first step. Oops! you've stumbled. Go ahead and cry. Don't be ashamed, I understand. Let's wait here awhile and get your breath. When you're stronger we'll go on, one step at a time. There's no need to hurry.

Say, it's nice to hear you laugh. Yes, I agree, the memories you shared are good. Look, we're halfway there now; I can see the other side. It looks so warm and sunny. Oh, have you noticed? We're nearing the last stone and you're standing alone. And look, your hands, you've let go of mine, and we've reached the other side.

But wait. Look back. Someone is standing there. They are alone and want to cross the stepping stones.
I had better go; they need my help. What? Are you sure? Why, yes, I'll wait. You know the way - you've been there. Yes - I agree - it's your turn, my friend - to help someone else cross the stepping stones.

By Barbara Williams.

In The Arms Of The Angel

A memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose... I thank God daily for my memories of you Casey.

In memory of an angel...

May the angels guide her now,
And watch her slightly curly head,
And lead her in their games.
To do there,what she couldnt do here.

She cannot come to harm.
Nothing can hurt her anymore.
She knows more than we know,
Her light is brighter far
Than daytime here below.

Her path leads on and on,
Through pleasant lawns and flowers,
Her baby blue eyes open wide
At grass more green than ours.
At the beauty of constantly blooming flowers.

With new friends like herself,
The shining girl will sing.
Her legs run and dance.
Exploring wondrous woods,
Sweet with eternal spring.

Yet, she is lost to us,
Far is her path of gold,
Far does the city seem,
Lonely our hearts and old.

I totally dropped the Fathers Day Ball!!

After doing my post a moment ago I realize I never said Happy Fathers Day to all of the father's and Daddy's out there. So happy belated Fathers Day too all you Dads and Fathers out there. Blessed are the children who have a good dad or father to help them grow up in our messed up society.

What makes a good dad you might ask ? Here is what makes a good father or daddy..A good father makes all the difference in a child's life. He's a pillar of strength, support and discipline. His work is endless and, oftentimes, thankless. But in the end, it shows in the sound, well-adjusted children he raises. They arent always that man's biological children but they are children of his heart.

12 traits of a good father or daddy: (found here these are the highlights)

He's a good disciplinarian He allows his kids to make some mistakes , however, he makes it clear that repeated irresponsibility won't be tolerated. He's open-minded and he allows his children to be citizens of their day and age.He teaches his children to appreciate things and never to take things for granted.He accepts that his kids aren't exactly like him.He also respects their values and opinions, as long as they don't harm the family or anyone else. He spends quality time with his children.... Remember making memories doesnt cost a dime. He leads by example . A good father is above the old "do as I say, not as I do" credo.A good father also illustrates the importance of affection by professing his love for their mother in front of them. And he won't fight with her in their presence. In all, he adheres to the values he'd like his children to follow.He's supportive & loyal and is also his children's public defender, standing up for them when needed. He waits for privacy to administer discipline. A safety net, a good father is also the person his kids turn to when things go wrong. He challenges his kids. A father wants his children to be the best they can be, and gives them challenges that help them grow as human beings
He teaches his children lessons.A father figure is the prime source of knowledge in the ways of men, and teaches his kids accordingly. A great father knows he must sacrifice his own comfort for his fatherly duties.He protects his family at all costs.As the main provider of security and necessities, a father will do whatever he can for his family. He'll take a second job to provide for them, and he'll put his own safety on the line to keep them out of harm's way. This is how a father instills in his children the importance of personal sacrifice.He shows unconditional love.This is the greatest quality of a good father. Even though he gets upset at his children's faults and may lament that they did not attain what he hoped for them, a father loves his children no less for it.

Losing someone so special ....

Losing someone so special to you
Someone you loved so dearly
To lose that person
Is the greatest loss ever.
So how do you go on?
How can you make it another day?
After losing that most precious someone
How can you make it?
How can you survive with the endless tears
Each night you lay your head on your pillow?

What makes you go on?
How do you get up in the morning
Without your precious loved one?
How do you keep going on and on
With this terrible pain in your heart
That no amount of words
No amount of nature
No amount of belief
Can take it away from you?
It just lingers and lingers
As loss, loss, loss!

Where are you?
I miss you?
Why are you gone from my life?
I want you back
Why, why, why?
Yes, that is what it feels like – the loss.

Yet I am still here,
I am still surviving,
I am still going on,
I am still here.

Yet I feel as if a huge void is here in me
Like part of me vanished with you
And I need to get that part back
But wonder when I will?

And my loss is increased with
Not just losing you
But losing part of me too.

Do I have an answer to loss?
Do you?

The thing I can think of about loss is:
I am so lucky I got to know the precious person.
I got to see their beauty and their grace.
I got to enjoy their presence.
That I can treasure.
That I can keep
Special in my heart forever.

And maybe loss is just that – loss.
But just as we have loss,
We have all the special memories
That we can keep special in our minds forever,
And that is something we will never lose.

So maybe the answer to loss is to treasure the memories
Of our loved one
For as long as we have a memory
We never lose out, with loss.

What if I whispered your name...

How is can it be that 15 months have passed since Casey passed away ? It still feels like yesterday somedays and other days it feels like its been forever since I heard her voice , held her hand and heard her say I love you Mom. I am so afraid I am going to forget how she smelled, how her eyes twinkled when she laughed and her voice.

I can not imagine how her father or her daddy must feel knowing tomorrow is Father's Day and they wont be getting a phone call again this year. I can only speak of how it felt on Mother's Day knowing I wouldnt be getting told Happy Mother's Day Mom , I love you. I know of how it felt on my birthday last year her not being around to tell me how old I am getting and that she loved me. It feels horrible. Its like a emptiness that can not be filled. Part of me is missing , like a broken puzzle. I have a part that is forever void and never can be filled again.

I found this song tonight on Facebook and it broke down the wall Ive been holding in today... Late at night when the rest of my family is sleeping I find myself whispering to Casey and I really hope and pray she can hear me.. Somehow my day is not complete until I make sure to tell her goodnight and that I love her. I find myself in the morning walking by her urn and telling her good morning and that I love her. I pray she can hear me when I talk to her. There are so many things I want to share with her , God , I hope she can hear me. I hope she can see what is going on with her sibilings and is watching them grow up. The only thing I hope she doesnt see and hear is me crying for her .

Loss

The moment that I knew you had died,

My heart split in two,

The one side filled with memories,

The other died with you.

I often lay awake at night,

When the world is fast asleep,

And take a walk down memory lane,

With tears upon my cheek.

Remembering you is easy,

I do it every day,

But missing you is a heartache,

That never goes away.

I hold you tightly within my heart,

And there you will remain,

Life has gone on without you,

But it never will be the same.

For those who still have their children,

Treat them with tender care,

You will never know the emptiness,

As when you turn and they are not there.

Don't tell me that you understand,

don't tell me that you know.

Don't tell me that I will survive,

How I will surely grow.

Don't tell me this is just a test,

That I am truly blessed.

That I am chosen for the task,

Apart from all the rest.

Don't come at me with answers

That can only come from me,

Don't tell me how my grief will pass,

That I will soon be free.

Don't stand in pious judgment

Of the bonds I must untie,

Don't tell me how to grieve,

Don't tell me when to cry.

Accept me in my ups and downs,

I need someone to share,

Just hold my hand and let me cry,

And say, "My friend, I care".

What it is really like to lose a child.........

The death of a child is similar to having a terminal illness in that there is never a release from the constant pain. However; in this case, the pain is mental, emotional, and, at times, physical. It is there and will always be there until the day you die. You can be distracted, but only for a short while, and the pain returns full force.

It is the distractions that get me through it, and when there are no distractions, I get stuck in my grief rut. Every time I start to think that I am doing a little better, it hits me all over again.

It is a feeling of painful emptiness, anxiety to the highest level, the thoughts, the loss, the “what ifs”. Why her, why us, why me? I have days when I do not want to survive this, and then there are days when I know that I will. I wish I could rejoice in the gift of her life and find peace with her leaving, but I just cannot allow myself to do that.

It goes deep into your soul as a mother, and it affects everyone differently. To those who have stuck by me and put up with my craziness through it all…thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love you. To those who turned their back on me at the weakest point in my life… I am sorry my grieving process has not met up to your expectations.

Until you are a part of this club that nobody ever wants to be in, that no parent should ever have to be in.. how dare you judge me. I have learned who my true friends are and that who I thought were true friends, never really were.