Bruised but not totally broken

I can really relate with this song .. all too well. For those of you who haven't listened to it yet please do.

"I said hello I think I'm broken" -  Bruised but not totally not broken, possibly just shattered, and I dont think Ill ever be able to have my bruised and broken heart fixed. Nothing can bring Casey back , all I can do is hope and pray that it mends over time and that remembering her and what joy she brought to our lives fills in the jagged edges of my heart when it shattered.

"For the life of me I never would have guessed how far the simple truth would lead ". Broken hopefully not beyond repair, although my heart will never be the same ever again. Im more cautious now than ever before. I have a fragile heart , as in afraid for the future in some aspects, and longing for the yesterdays.

"You knew how to heal that pain -No medicine can fix". Casey always knew what to say to make someone see the brighter side of things , and knew exactly how to make someone feel better even in the shittiest of situations. I often wonder what she would tell me , if she knew how heartbroken I was over losing her.

"Now I know God has His reasons but sometimes it's hard to see them when I awake and find that you're not there". I wanted more days with her , and have really lost a lot of my faith because I don't understand why murderers, rapists and drug dealers are given the freedom to do what they want with their lives , which is to murder, rape, and supply addicts but yet my daughter who was free spirited , outgoing , loving and compassionate is dead. She never would have intentionally ever hurt anyone and often went out of her way to help others. How is it fair that she is dead while evil still is allowed to live and hurt others? It just really isn't fair .. no matter how many times Ive contemplated this , it still isn't fair.I don't see the reasoning God had.

"I bless the day I met you and I thank God that He let you lay beside me for a moment that lives on and the good news is I'm better for the time we spent together and the bad news is you're gone." I am not the same person I was before Casey died. I used to laugh all the time. I used to almost always have a smile on my face. The fact of it is , I am more solemn now. I do laugh occasionally but I am not as carefree as I used to be. I do know that I am a better person just because of her though. She taught me so many things without me ever realizing that she was teaching me. Compassion for others. Empathy. Understanding. Unconditional love. Friends of mine have told me , I must have taught her these things, and that she reminded me of their meanings in her own ways. I really hope she knows how much I loved her, and will always love her.