The death of a child is similar to having a terminal illness in that there is never a release from the constant pain. However; in this case, the pain is mental, emotional, and, at times, physical. It is there and will always be there until the day you die. You can be distracted, but only for a short while, and the pain returns full force.
It is the distractions that get me through it, and when there are no distractions, I get stuck in my grief rut. Every time I start to think that I am doing a little better, it hits me all over again.
It is a feeling of painful emptiness, anxiety to the highest level, the thoughts, the loss, the “what ifs”. Why her, why us, why me? I have days when I do not want to survive this, and then there are days when I know that I will. I wish I could rejoice in the gift of her life and find peace with her leaving, but I just cannot allow myself to do that.
It goes deep into your soul as a mother, and it affects everyone differently. To those who have stuck by me and put up with my craziness through it all…thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love you. To those who turned their back on me at the weakest point in my life… I am sorry my grieving process has not met up to your expectations.
Until you are a part of this club that nobody ever wants to be in, that no parent should ever have to be in.. how dare you judge me. I have learned who my true friends are and that who I thought were true friends, never really were.
It is the distractions that get me through it, and when there are no distractions, I get stuck in my grief rut. Every time I start to think that I am doing a little better, it hits me all over again.
It is a feeling of painful emptiness, anxiety to the highest level, the thoughts, the loss, the “what ifs”. Why her, why us, why me? I have days when I do not want to survive this, and then there are days when I know that I will. I wish I could rejoice in the gift of her life and find peace with her leaving, but I just cannot allow myself to do that.
It goes deep into your soul as a mother, and it affects everyone differently. To those who have stuck by me and put up with my craziness through it all…thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love you. To those who turned their back on me at the weakest point in my life… I am sorry my grieving process has not met up to your expectations.
Until you are a part of this club that nobody ever wants to be in, that no parent should ever have to be in.. how dare you judge me. I have learned who my true friends are and that who I thought were true friends, never really were.
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