What if I whispered your name...

How is can it be that 15 months have passed since Casey passed away ? It still feels like yesterday somedays and other days it feels like its been forever since I heard her voice , held her hand and heard her say I love you Mom. I am so afraid I am going to forget how she smelled, how her eyes twinkled when she laughed and her voice.

I can not imagine how her father or her daddy must feel knowing tomorrow is Father's Day and they wont be getting a phone call again this year. I can only speak of how it felt on Mother's Day knowing I wouldnt be getting told Happy Mother's Day Mom , I love you. I know of how it felt on my birthday last year her not being around to tell me how old I am getting and that she loved me. It feels horrible. Its like a emptiness that can not be filled. Part of me is missing , like a broken puzzle. I have a part that is forever void and never can be filled again.

I found this song tonight on Facebook and it broke down the wall Ive been holding in today... Late at night when the rest of my family is sleeping I find myself whispering to Casey and I really hope and pray she can hear me.. Somehow my day is not complete until I make sure to tell her goodnight and that I love her. I find myself in the morning walking by her urn and telling her good morning and that I love her. I pray she can hear me when I talk to her. There are so many things I want to share with her , God , I hope she can hear me. I hope she can see what is going on with her sibilings and is watching them grow up. The only thing I hope she doesnt see and hear is me crying for her .